As providers and caretakers, adults tend to view the world of children as happy and carefree. After all, what could they possibly have to worry about? Plenty! Even very young children have worries and feel stress to some degree. Stress, in a nutshell, is the result of demands and a person's level of ability to meet them. Pressures come from outside (family, friends, school) but also from within. The internal pressures can be most significant, because we set rules and standards for ourselves to live by and there is often a discrepancy between what we think we ought to be doing and what we are actually doing.

Stress affects anyone - children included - who feels overwhelmed. A 2-year-old, for example, may be anxious because the person she needs to help her feel good - her mother or father - isn't there enough to satisfy her. In preschool-aged children, separation from parents is the greatest cause of anxiety. The younger the child, the more powerful the effect of separation. As children get older, academic and social pressures (particularly the quest to fit in with their peers) create stress. In addition, well-meaning parents sometimes unwittingly add to the stress in their children's lives. For example, high-achieving parents often have great expectations for their offspring. Kids who lack their parents' motivation or capabilities may end up feeling frustrated.

Your child's stress level may be raised by more than just what's happening in her own life. Does she hear you talking about troubles at work, worrying about a relative's illness or fighting with your spouse about financial matters? Parents need to be careful how they discuss such issues when children are near because children will pick up on their parents' anxieties and start to worry themselves.

anxieties and start to worry themselves. Also consider complicating factors, such as an illness or a divorce. When these factors are added to the everyday pressures kids face, the stress is magnified. Even the most amicable divorce is a difficult experience for children. They may feel the need to be more self-reliant as their basic security system - their parents - undergoes a tough change. Separated or divorced parents should never put kids in a position of having to choose sides or expose them to negative comments about the other spouse. Parents should always operate in the best interest of the child.

Recognizing the Symptoms

It's not always easy to recognize when your child is "stressed out." Short-term behavioral changes, such as mood swings, acting out, changes in sleep patterns or bed-wetting, can be indicators of stress. Some children experience physical effects, including stomachaches and headaches. Others have trouble concentrating or completing schoolwork. Still others become withdrawn or spend a lot of time alone. Younger children may show signs of reacting to stress by thumb sucking, hair twirling or nose picking; older children may begin to lie, bully or defy authority.

Reducing Stress

How to help? The biggest stress-reducer for children is a good foundation. Proper rest and good nutrition can help increase your child's coping skills, as can good parenting. Make time for your child each day. Whether she needs to talk or just be in the same room with you, make yourself available. At any age, this "quality time" is important. It's really hard for some people to come home after work, get down on the floor and play with their kids or just talk. But, by all means, take the time to show your child that she's important to you.

Help your child cope with stress by talking with her about what may be causing it. Together, you can come up with a few solutions. Some possibilities are cutting back on after-school activities, spending more time talking with parents or teachers, developing an exercise regimen or keeping a journal. You can also help your child by anticipating potentially stressful situations and preparing her for them. For example, let her know ahead of time that she has a doctor appointment and talk about what will happen there. Remember that feeling stress is normal; let your child know that it's OK to feel angry, scared or lonely.

Most parents have the skills necessary to deal with their child's stress. The time to seek professional attention is when any change in behavior persists or when you have repeatedly failed to resolve the problem. If you are unsuccessful after several attempts to get to the source of your child's troubles, see your child's doctor and talk to the counselors and teachers at your child's school. These sources can lead you to competent, professional help.